How to survive the end of the world (at least your site will)

Many people never really think about the end of days when working on their website, but one never really knows when that day will come. So for arguments sake, let’s say that you know that the end of the world is really near because of some sort of cataclysmic event (Giant meteorite, nuclear holocaust, Hillary becoming president). So what does this mean for your site?

Well, the most obvious thing is that your traffic is REALLY going to suffer. One hit a millennium would be pretty decent after the world ends. So what are you to do about it? Here at Jakkar.com, we have some of the top scientists from around the world come up with unique ideas/ tips for you.


Dr. I.P.Freely: Well the first thing you should do is make sure that your site is preserved for historical purposes. I would suggest taking all of your content from your site and getting a hammer and chisel and copy everything onto solid granite. I am still working on how to display movies via the ROCK-encased format, but I am sure it will be ready by the time Microsoft releases Vista V2.3.

Come back next week, and I’ll demonstrate how to mimic streaming audio with 2 coconuts, some jungle vine, and a shaved monkey…



Dr.Oliver Clothesoff: Oh Yesss. There are many things that you can do, hehe! [unintelligible noises] First, create a listing of all of those who have wronged you in the past. Then, on your site, devote a whole section to them. hehe!! Snort, snort!! [More unintelligible noises] in there, explain to them as to how you have forgiven them for how slimey they really are. As a matter of fact, invite them to your house, no! wait, not your house, somewhere else, away from crowds, poor lighting would be good too. [girlish squealing] and tell them they you want to have them over for a 'party'. yess, oh yes, that would be so nice. Then you get a axe, not one of those wimpy 5lbs ones, I'm talking about a good old fashion 10lbs double-bladed one with rubber grips so it doesn't slip as much when it gets wet with the blood of your...
[ police then showed up resulting in him making a break for it]

Dr. Anita Bath: Well, I think you should should reorganize your site and dedicate it to admittance that it was all men's fault that we are all going to die. As a matter of fact, take your site and and post images of yourself licking the boots of the women that you have done wrong to. Which, by the way is ALL WOMEN, you fool! You know if it wasn't for you bastards, there wouldn't be and 'end of the world'. The worst we would have is an "end of sale" or something like that. I mean really, you guys are never happy. because of men, i had to have 32 plastic surgeries performed on me to get me to look this good! Never happy with what you get, and if you don't believe me, you can ask any of my 12 ex husbands who are still alive and not institutionalized.


Dr. Bea O'Problem: What!? When the Hell did this happen? My God, we are all going to freaking die!! Damn right-wing liberals getting all hopped up on Jolly Ranchers and Diet Coke, screwed everything for us! Well this is it then baby!! To my boss: you can kiss my sweet, milky @$$!! And to my horrid wife, Beelula, I faked every orgasm!! And I've been having an affair with our pet gerbil, Goober, so there!!

Also to all those people who thought I was nuts! well, who's the loony now!?? Huh!? Huh!? I hate each and everyone of you!! That's right, and, and furthermore, I have been secretly placing ex-lax in the breakroom coffee machine for the past 5 months!! So There!! And furthermore, ... what? it's not the end? Oh crap!...