Top 20 signs That Your Web Host Sucks.

Ok, Everyone knows that I like to bash on my web host (serverroom.us) but I figured enough is enough and I would give them a break...

Naa, not a F$#%-ing chance in Hell. These guys need a HUGE kick in the nuts to get them moving correctly. I know you are probably asking: "Uhh, why don't you just switch to another host?" Well, the answer is quite simple: I'm a masochist, and they definitely provide the kind of pain that gets me going. I figured that since this site is for newbies who need to know what to look for in a web host, I could provide them with a listing of signs to warn them that maybe it's time to look elsewhere for their service.

1) They ask you to mail your web site files so they can put them on the server.

2) Only HTML 1.0 is supported.

3) They ask "do you want other people to be able see your site? if so, that's extra."

4) They ask if they can borrow your computer to host your site.

5) Their idea of "technical difficulties" is that they tripped and unplugged the servers. (true story)

6) They are not too wild about allowing "client-side" code to be hosted.

7) They have upgraded their connection to a 54k modem.

8) Having more than 3 people on the site at one time overloads the servers.

9) They don't provide access to your site outside of their apartment.

10) Support is handled through IM with a guy named "Vlad" who has trouble understanding why you would want FTP access to your site. (again, true story)

11) You receive emails from them asking if it's "ok to share some of your storage room with a couple porn sites?"

12) They are listed in Hacker's Weekly as the #1 place to cut your teeth on.

13) They actually read "jakkar.com" and nod in agreement.

14) Windows 3.1 is their main Operating System.

15) The logo for them looks very much like Hal-9000.

16) You receive notification that you have reached the 1mb storage limit on your platinum account.

17) You receive phone calls at 1am from them asking for help on debugging their servers.

18) Your web site is down more often then a computer running Windows ME.

19) When you call them to report that your site is down, they ask if you have rebooted your computer.

20) Their customer service department is looking for help desk people. -no technical experience required.

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And if I ever needed further sign that my host is a piece of crap, well here we are: the day afterwards, their whole server goes down for the day. Gee, thank God I don't run a business or people don't actually go to this site or something....